


A Krelboyne In The Making

by TheTimelessChild0



Series: Omovember 2020 [25]
Category: Malcolm in the Middle
Genre: Francis is a saint, Humor, I could keep going but you'd get bored reading all these tags, Malcolm is a tattletale, Omovember 2020, Omovember 25, Urination, dewey is an evil genius, fighting for the toilet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:07:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27702541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTimelessChild0/pseuds/TheTimelessChild0
Summary: How to accidentally raise a Bond Villain 101
Series: Omovember 2020 [25]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1987816
Kudos: 5





	A Krelboyne In The Making

**Author's Note:**

> I can't be bothered to tag a season(or adhere to canon) so here are their respective ages:
> 
> Francis- 20
> 
> Reese- 17
> 
> Malcolm- 15
> 
> Dewey-11

He walked calmly to the bathroom, wondering what it would take for his bladder to explode. He was fairly certain it would take longer than 5 seconds, but didn't want to gamble. Mom had disallowed him from betting of all kinds.

The moment he put his hand on the door handle it was joined by 2 other hands. Belonging to his brothers.

“Hey! I’m first. I had an extra-large slushie!” Reese yelped, objecting the clutter.

  
“Yeah, the very same one Mom explicitly said you couldn’t buy, and you made us pinky swear not to mention to her?” Malcolm reminded.

“I believe this is what the Hindus call karma is a beach,” Dewey recited, tugging on Malcolm's arm. 

“No, Dew Dew Head, it’s--” Malcolm tugged Reese’s arm away, slamming a fist in his mouth.

“female dog. Karma is a female dog,” he insisted to the youngest.

“That doesn’t sound very snappy. Then again, very few proverbs are,” Dewey noted, ignoring the initial insult. Reese had assured him that it was spelled “dew” like what gets on car windows, and _not_ doo, like what gets on people’s lawns.

* * *

Francis had spent the last 3 minutes getting his academy buddy off the phone, as he kept saying wazzup, with the choir of at least 8 other boys, audible in the background. When he finally did put it back in his bag, he saw Dewey, shaking like a leaf, accompanied by Malcolm, who was holding himself in a death grip, and Reese looking increasingly like a flamingo on a pogo stick. 

  
“You guys _do_ know that’s not a single bathroom, right?” he asked his younger brothers.

That set them off again, as once more, Reese fought to be first, claiming “seniority”.

“That doesn’t make any sense! My bladder’s smaller than yours,” Dewey pointed out.

“Exactly, so you’re gonna pee your pants anyway, while I still have a shot,” the jab was not appreciated. When Reese noogied Malcolm, and attempted to trip up Dewey, the 11-year old grabbed his brother's arm and _chomped_. 

“OW!!!” Reese drew the oldest’ attention again. “Dewey bit me,” he tattled instantly.

“Dewey, we communicate with what’s _between_ our teeth,” Francis lectured gently, pinching his neck and subsequently stroking it.

“Yes Francis, sorry Francis,” Dewey stated casually, like a rehearsed script. Which it was.

Malcolm was currently tangling his hair further in an attempt to straighten it.

“I’ve got a comb in my bag, and Mom’s got antiseptic for the brother bite,” he told them, opening the door for the bitey boy.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Dewey bit me,” Reese whined to his mother.

“What did you do?” Lois asked without looking up.

“Nothing. I was just going to the restroom and he tackled me,” he claimed.

“Looked more like you were tackling _him_ from where I was standing,” Hal countered, ever observant.

“Reese! I told you to let him have his space in the bathroom. He’s still struggling with that,”

“Weren’t we discussing seeing a doctor about that? He’s almost 12 now, Lou,” her husband brought up, adding up the date.

“Middle school is not until September, we’ve got all summer. And don’t forget, we’ve signed him up for Malcolm’s Krelboyne class. Bet the guy running that has seen it all. _Accidents_ too,” she reassured him. “Malcolm, mostly...” added under her breath.

The son in question overheard the reference. “Mom! Reese doesn’t know about those!” he objected.

Reese gaped. “I _knew_ you didn’t have a water balloon fight!” 

“Go back to the bathroom you too. Fights started on a full bladder ends with an empty one and not in the way you want,” Lois waved them off.

* * *

Dewey pinched himself once, skipping forward towards the lower urinals for boys. Once he was situated and seemed in his element, Francis spoke again.

“You know, there are better ways of getting what you want. Without resorting to violence,”

“My way’s faster,” he shrugged, finishing. Francis took the opportunity to go while he washed his hands. It was nowhere near critical, or necessary in the slighest; more about coaching his baby brother into accepting the presence of others while peeing.

Next up was Malcolm, who took the opportunity to thank his sibling.

  
“I didn’t do anything,” Dewey presented his confusion.

“Whatever you say,” he muttered, moaning and swearing. Francis wrote them down to slip to his dad once they were on the plane and his mother was asleep.

“I see Dewey still has his _little thing_...” Hal quipped to Francis while his wife repacked for the thousandth time.

“Hey, I argued _for_ circumcision,” he hit back instantly. Like he had a treasure trove of puns always ready to go. “I think it’s mainly about space. And which of us it involves,”

“So, he’s cool with peeing in front of you?” the man wondered. He distinctly remembered seeing his oldest exit first; whose break should’ve ended later.

“Washing his hands. He even took extra time to scrub his nails when it was Malcolm’s turn,” Francis informed, scratching his hair as he caught his own secondhand pride.

“Well that’s going to come in handy when he demands to try the airplane food,” Lois joined the conversation.

“The main point is I genuinely trust him to let me stand guard outside during the flight without freezing up again,” 

“Fantastic. One less pack of emergency pull-ups to buy when we land!” she cheered, checking that Malcolm couldn’t hear her.

“I’d go up three sizes if I were you, Mom,” he announced his presence, looking past the stated fact there was some stowed away for _him_.

“Reese just drank a litre of sugar, caffeine and blue dye number 1-5. He’s about to crash..” Malcolm fretted.

The evidence was there in the form of their offspring hugging the wall but repeatedly missing it.

“You take Reese, I take Malcolm?” Lois proposed. It wasn’t sexism the other way around. Especially when the recipient had receipts for Jazzercise classes.

“Francis takes Dewey, then who takes Francis?” Hal asked a legitimate question about their adult.

Said adult was walking over to Reese, and heaving him over his shoulders.

“Looks like he’s got it all covered,” Lois noted in astonishment.

“You take mom, you take dad,” Malcolm pointed at each parent in turn. “I’m good. Bathroom breaks every three hours, wake any relative; if Reese kicks me, suck it up,” he recited.

“It’s not rocket science,”

_That wasn’t until next year_.

The End.


End file.
